It's been almost 20 years since Iván Gutiérrez came under the spotlight after winning the U23 Road World Championships time trial in Verona in 1999. That rainbow jersey confirmed he was one of Spain's best prospects, bound to be at least a first-class rider. And time told that these forecasts were right. He was crowned national champion six times, won the Eneco Tour twice and, above all, became a solid, reliable domestique for Movistar. It was a respectable, satisfying sporting career until the very end, when it turned into a nightmare.
In 2013, Gutiérrez was 35 and facing his decline. In March, he attempted suicide for the first time. "I didn't know why, but something was wrong in my head. I wasn't happy, I felt I had too much responsibility and cycling was very stressful for me," he said in an interview aired in Spanish radio station Cadena COPE.
"I have been hospitalized 11 times because of trying to hurt myself", he revealed. "I took every pill I had around, first to catch the eye of those around me and later on as serious attempts of killing myself because I couldn't see the way out of my situation."
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There were several key points in Gutiérrez's mental downfall. One was stage 9 of the 2013 Tour de France. As Movistar Team provoked one of the biggest attacks in the race's recent history, isolating Chris Froome in an up-and-down stage in the Pyrenees, the Spanish rider abandoned for no apparent reason. "I retired from the Tour de France due to panic. I just wanted to pull out from the race and disappear." He didn't express his concerns at the time. "One can't say out loud he is depressed because his contract can be at stake. I had to make out a lie and tell everybody that I had a very bad day and didn't know why."
Gutiérrez hung up the bike for good after the 2014 Eneco Tour. "I felt that was it for me as a cyclist. I was heavily medicated to hinder my self-destructive ideas, which were recurring and very strong. It got to a point in which I had to take a decision along with Eusebio [Unzué, Movistar's manager]. The most difficult moment of my life came when I had to tell him I was no longer fit to compete. And the worse part is that I couldn't even bid farewell."
Gutiérrez felt that Unzue, who according to the former rider's own words is "optimistic by nature", didn't empathise with his issues. Teammates and staff, on the other hand, did. "But at certain points I needed some Whatsapp message to support me and didn't receive it. I even thought all the efforts I had made for the sake of the team hadn't been worthwhile."
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